Learning to Be Open Again

When Protection Becomes a Wall

For the longest time, I thought I was protecting my heart. After all, when someone breaks your trust, it changes you. Betrayal hurts, and for me, what lingered even longer was the willingness to open my heart again.

I became more selective. More guarded. More cautious.

I told myself it was wisdom. And some of it was. But lately, I’ve been realizing something else. There is a fine line between protecting your heart and building a wall around it.

But life has a way of teaching us lessons through disappointment, heartbreak, loss, uncertainty, and experiences that don’t unfold the way we hoped they would.

Over time, we learn. We become wiser and more discerning. We develop boundaries. And those things are important.

But lately, I’ve been wondering if somewhere along the way, I started confusing protection with closure. Not closing the door completely. Just opening it a little less. Trusting a little less. Allowing a little less. Risking a little less.

I told myself I was being careful. I told myself I was protecting my peace. And perhaps I was. But sometimes what begins as self-protection slowly becomes self-limitation.

Not because we’re afraid of love. But because we’re afraid of loss, disappointment, of making the wrong choice and of getting hurt.

And without even realizing it, we start keeping out some of the very experiences we claim we want. The strange thing is, I didn’t realize how much I had closed myself off until I started opening myself back up to life again.

A Summer of Simple Things

This summer, I’ve been spending my days watching sunrises and sunsets, kiteboarding, running, spending time with friends, working on my business, and writing.

Life isn’t exactly where I want it to be. I still haven’t created the stable income I ultimately want and I have goals I’m working toward. There are still unanswered questions. There are still things I am trying to build. But despite all of that, I’ve been working on myself.

And I’ve been feeling good.

Not because everything is perfect. But because I’ve been present enough to enjoy what is already here.

The sunrise.

The ocean.

The wind.

The laughter.

The friendships.

The simple moments that make life feel rich.

And although life has its seasons, and I have always been someone who tries to live life fully, I’ve realized there are still areas where I have been waiting for permission to enjoy what is already here.

Waiting for more certainty. Looking ahead to the next chapter. Waiting until I had the relationship, the career, the answers, the plan.

But this summer has been reminding me that life doesn’t pause while we’re waiting.

The sunsets don’t wait.

The wind doesn’t wait.

The season doesn’t wait.

I have learned throughout my life that joy isn’t something waiting for us on the other side of certainty. It has been available all along. We simply have to be willing to receive it. To notice it. To live it while we are here.

Remembering Who I Am

Recently, I had an experience that reminded me of something important about myself.

I am a lover. Not just in relationships. In life.

I love nature.

I love adventure.

I love meaningful conversations.

I love affection.

I love connection.

I love feeling fully present with another human being.

I love appreciating the little things.

I am someone who loves deeply.

I realized that in some seasons of my life, I had become so focused on protecting myself from disappointment that sometimes, I had also become a little afraid of simply enjoying what was in front of me. Not because I wanted to hold onto it forever. But because I was afraid of losing it.

The truth is, I’ve never really stopped loving.

I’ve never stopped loving life.

I’ve never stopped loving the ocean, the sunrise, adventure, friendship, growth, or the people who matter to me.

And sometimes, what I stopped doing was allowing myself to relax into the experience without wondering what would happen next.

The Difference Between Being Open and Being Attached

For a long time, I thought being open to love meant finding the right person. Someone who checked all the boxes. Someone who wanted the same future. A person with long-term potential.

And while those things still matter to me, I started to notice that I was approaching every possibility through the lens of where it could lead.

Would it become something? Would it last? Would it work? Would I get hurt?

The questions always seemed to pull me into the future. And sometimes, when we’re too focused on where something is going, we miss the opportunity to fully experience what is right in front of us.

But lately, I’ve been wondering:

What if being open is something different?

What if being open means allowing yourself to enjoy a moment without needing to know where it is going?

What if connection doesn’t always need a destination?

What if some experiences are simply meant to be experienced?

For a moment there, I believed that if I opened my heart, there had to be a destination. A purpose. A future. Some kind of guarantee that the investment would be worth it.

But life doesn’t work that way.

Some people come into our lives for years. Some for a season. Some for a single moment that reminds us of something we had forgotten.

The value of an experience isn’t always determined by how long it lasts. Sometimes its value comes from what it awakens within us.

Not Losing Myself Again

One of my biggest fears has never really been heartbreak. It’s losing myself. I’ve done that before. I’ve made other people the center of my emotional world. At times, I became attached to outcomes. And I’ve invested so much energy into what could be that I stopped paying attention to what was.

I don’t want that anymore.

I don’t want to abandon my dreams, my adventures, my growth, my writing, or the life I am creating. Instead, I want to remain fully myself while still allowing myself to love. To connect. To enjoy. To appreciate. To let go when it is time.

I think there is a difference between attachment and appreciation.

Attachment says, “Please don’t leave.”

Appreciation says, “Thank you for being here.”

And lately, I’ve been trying to practice the second one more often.

Everything Is Temporary

The truth is, everything in life is temporary.

The sunset ends.

The wind dies.

The season changes.

People come and go.

Experiences begin and end.

And yet we still show up for them.

And that’s what makes them beautiful.

Not that they last forever.

But that they don’t.

We know the sunset will end, yet we stop to watch it anyway.

We know the perfect windy day will eventually fade, yet we launch our kites when the wind arrives again. Sometimes the wind is perfect. Sometimes it isn’t. Sometimes it doesn’t show up at all. But when it does, we don’t spend the entire session worrying about when it will end. We enjoy it while it’s here.

We know every season of life will eventually change, yet we live it while it’s here. I’ve been asking myself why I would approach relationships, opportunities, or experiences any differently. Now the goal isn’t to avoid loss. The goal is to fully experience what is here while it is here.

Learning to Be Open Again

I learned that openness doesn’t mean abandoning my discernment. It isn’t abandoning boundaries or ignoring red flags. It isn’t handing my heart to someone and hoping they handle it carefully.

Openness is simply allowing myself to experience life without trying to control every outcome.

It is remaining soft without becoming self-abandoning.

Allowing connection without demanding permanence.

And trusting that I can enjoy what is here without needing to know how long it will stay.

Healing isn’t about becoming harder. It’s about becoming softer without losing yourself. Healing is learning that we can open our hearts without gripping so tightly. It is about trusting that not every beautiful experience has to become a permanent one in order to be meaningful.

And maybe that’s where I am right now. Not searching. Not forcing. Just learning to be truly open again. To enjoy life as it unfolds.

Because I have learned that everything is temporary.

Life is temporary.

And not every experience has to last forever to be meaningful.

Life doesn’t have to be certain before it can be beautiful.

We can love the moment without needing to own it.

We can appreciate what is here while it is here and understand that its temporary nature is often what makes life beautiful in the first place.

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Journal Prompt

Where in my life am I waiting for certainty before allowing myself to fully enjoy what is already here?

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